tie it up in a neat little bow.

disappear. just disappear already. take the bag you left behind, the cell phone charger, the laptop. take it all. take the hurt and the pain you've caused over these long years. take the tears and the heartaches. take the love i gave, take the sacrifices i made. take the years of putting you first. take the presents i gave to you that you so carelessly tossed aside. take the bed you maliciously demolished. take the house we share that was left in shambles after you were done. take it all, tie it up in a neat little bow and kindly, disappear.

i cant do this anymore. you cant keep repeating this same little cycle that you have so callously developed. a way in and a way out of my heart while my eyes are closed. before i can even realize that anything has even happened. with out realizing you were ever here or ever gone. you cant just appear, smile and walk all over my heart. who ever gave you the permission?

i guess i did. i guess i said yes unknowingly. no, I'm lying. i knew what i was doing all along. i knew i was letting you in. i knew i was loosing you. sometimes that 6 hours of being held tightly or the week of loving text messages make all this pain so worth it. i just wish i could remember what i was feeling in those moments, in the moments your gone. i cant. i cant find the happiness, the security, the love. it feels like it never existed. like it was never even real. like it was something i dreamed. a distant memory. maybe that's all it ever really was, or is.

i cant tell reality from fantasy anymore. I've lost it all in this mess we've created. i wont put it all on you because i know i played apart as well. i know were both guilty in this backwards fairy tale. you for abusing what i so willing gave you and me for continuing to give again and again. and for the billionth night over the past how ever many years, your the reason I'm crying myself to sleep. silently asking when will all this be over. i don't have the strength, i thought i had it once upon a time. now i don't know how i drag myself out of bed in the morning.

something i thought i wanted, was something i thought i needed. it was neither. where were you when i cried at night? or when we lost everything we had fought for? where were you when i said i loved you? or i needed you? i remember when i gave up loving you, or at least i thought i did. one month I'm stronger than you might expect me to be. the next after seeing your face and falling victim to your dumb games I'm the epitome of a mess. look what you've done to me. mascara covered cheeks and i just cant stop.

not much has changed over the last couple of years.. sad and lonely now.. sad and lonely then. i try so hard to remember when we were happy. i sat in bed and racked my brain. i couldn't. how sad, i thought. i could not remember one full day where we just laughed. it was always this or that. one fight or another. one reason or another. one disrespectful comment after another. a forgot anniversary. a missed valentine. an abandoned date. an omitted story. a lapse of judgement. an erased phone number. a buried text message.

go somewhere. anywhere. take your bullshit with you. if you don't love me by now, you never will. baby, Ive got to see that you and me ain't meant to be. so take it all, wrap it all up in a neat little bow and disappear.