fatal attraction

i sacrifice a future to live in moments. Ive heard that truly is living. i wouldn't take back a moment for anything in this world. even the blacked out ones. there are no black outs when the world watches you and absolutely no escape when its proved through photography. in one moment there was you and in the next you were gone. the world watched as we met yet fate wouldn't let it exist. there was another girl in your orbit and another boy in mine. you had plans too far gone and mine were nonexistent. Ive gotten you to leave with me, although i cant get you to stay. but there is no way out once things are set in motion and we are already set in stone. Ive tried ridding my brain of you, tried washing my hands clean. i seem okay, but you hide beneath my eyelids. and when i close them i cant help but see that silly smile. you hide in my eardrums and if i listen carefully enough i can hear that contagious laugh. just when Ive given into hope that the hide and seek is over and Ive ceased to find you, you show your self. give up that hiding spot. come to the light and let the universe see what we keep denying. there i go again, recreating our mistakes in my head. picturing your lips on my chest, hand on my thigh and you in my bed. there we go again. i want it to stop but i just cant help myself when it comes to you. Ive tried, but not really hard enough. and then like a million bricks on glass that conversation we had behind closed doors comes crashing down. the one where you told me it was over, for her. the one where you promised me you had met no one else quite like me. the one where i end up alone and she ends up your everything. truth is, i think i disguise my hurt well enough from you and the rest of the world to get by, but everyone can see it. everyone knows whats creeping between my ears or cloaked in the shades of my eyelids. they watch the smile start to appear upon my face and my eyes start to go distant. I cant help but talk to you as if you are with me, even though your probably with her. besides you're extremely bad at keeping promises and too good at lying. lets face facts here. were terrible at keeping secrets and at keeping our hands off each other. horrible at respecting the wishes of a girl who sits alone in wonder. rotten at ignoring the sparks and chemistry that fly through the room like stray bullets. dreadful at concealing the fact we both know well go home together. and disastrous at pretending this isn't what we both want. your telling me, she and you have the gravitational pull we share. impossible. that you cant keep your hands off of her. false. that you haven't met anyone else like her. unlikely. that she has the same affect on you that i do. lies. oh baby stop kidding yourself, you feel this as much as i do. I just wonder whats going to happen when someone calls our bluff, or she calls yours...

so keep playing your games. keep promising your self you'll do right next week. and keep forgiving yourself when the weeks come and go. because, that girl, sure shes pretty. but she cant keep up with me...

or us for that matter.