this is only what it is. and i promise that this time. to stay at an arms reach, to stay away from the world you've created for yourself. you've already fucked it up though, so answering that buzzing wont make a difference tonight or tomorrow. lets face it it never really made a difference anyway. she doesn't know and even if she did know shed fight for it. you wouldn't though. i know you too well and i promise you, you'd fight for nothing. but maybe in those drunken stupors there was honesty, there was love, there was home. if only either one of us knew how to believe in the other anymore.
i am not that girl that has boys come to me, knees to the floor and hands to broken heart. i am not a car crash that will come and suddenly destroy you. i am not a storm on a direct path. but you told me i could make the sun set. and to me it was everything. leave it to me to spin words that don't actually mean a thing. to me you said that i made the stars illuminate the Philadelphia sky. but behind the admiration in your tone there was always dishonesty in your voice. somewhere lurking not far behind, even if i needed it to be the truth. your words are too beautiful to be honest. your eyes to kind to be sincere. your touch to gentle to be real. yet i am always there to fall. i will never mind being the first or last to go to bed with you.
i know its inappropriate to talk about her and how you've intertwined the two of us, using all the same lines and tactics. but how many pretty girls have turned up on your doorstep? and how many will you turn them away with empty promises? i don't need another friend, no matter how great the promise be. friends don't lift me on to them in a mess of sheets and heavy breathing. i need someone who can stand beside me, who can scream my name and mean it.
you have a way about you that i have never seen in anyone else. i don't care if you remember that i am in your bed in the morning. or the promises you made me with the scent of alcohol on your breath. but i ask you to remember one thing, you have a way about you that keeps me hypnotized. please don't loose that enchanting glance, but please stop using it to make me believe you.
jealousy is the game now. and you know i play better than you. you may have won the first two rounds but i promise after tonight you will know how it feels to die. how many times have i mistreated you? none. how many times have you tricked me? thousands.
maybe you’re just my gateway drug, giving me a taste for the harder stuff. i was naive when we first started, and now i can’t get enough. you got me high and i descended to dependence. now my body quakes at night from vivid dreams and with drawl. now we’re playing cat and mouse, you’re the hider, i’m the seeker. now we’re running back and forth, losers weepers and finders keepers. but i always find you when i’m fucked up enough to follow you home, and lose myself in you. and oh my god, i don’t want to stop. but intervention happens every thursday, and we start all over, don’t we? i’ll try and stay in your good graces if you keep being such a bad influence. i’ll keep you in the back of my mind, if you’re brave enough to do it. i picture us sprawled across your wooden floor, riding carpets and whispering filthy words. i’ll keep you just out of reach and you’ll keep me in touch.
for the record i never wanted this. for the record i feel like this is becoming such a mess. for the record i’m having way more fun than i should be. for the record, when i’m in your arms it turns me on. for the record, i’m probably wrong to string you along. for the record, you’re sexy when you turn me down. for the record, you’re sexy when you bring me home. for the record, i will defeat you, i promise you that and you will love it.
