everyone could see that it was awkward. it wasn’t just me. the tension thick enough to cut with a butter knife. and what for? why should there be tension between two people that shared everything. there is not one time looking back on the past seven years where we didn’t one hundred percent honestly share and converse. or at least i thought…
on lined paper, it had all happened so easily. almost too easily, the progression from friends to lovers. i cant even remember when we crossed that line. closer to each other than anyone that came before and although we lay in separate beds across state lines, i felt your presence constantly with me. and yet here we find ourselves, together on the cold living room floor. our bodies have never been closer and yet we’ve never been further apart. i wonder what happened? did what we have once upon a time run its course? have we run out of things to say to one another?
i wasn’t the only one who felt it, you felt the emptiness too. and after seven years, it only took a month and a half, three weekends to realize what it was, wasn’t what we thought. and that meant, at least for me, all of my deepest fears came true. that every word i had ever written about us left paper and became reality. seven years of the most intimate details, the most intense feelings, the strongest love.. seven years to just crash and burn. seven years for what? another friend? i don’t need another friend. i have plenty of friends, and i don’t like most of them. but you, you i loved.
there was so much passion behind your words. i felt your heart through those letters. and yet, so many broken promises and unanswered question left after everything. i feel like we didn’t even try. no i’m lying, i feel like you never tried. freedom came crashing down and tore us apart before we even started. you always told me i deserved better than what i seemed to find time after time. yet you turned around and didn’t even attempt to prove that you were any different. i thought you were going to prove me wrong. i should have seen the red flags, saved them and then when there were too many to count, traded them in for someone better. but i am loyal to a fault and i honestly would of given you every chance in the world to prove me wrong about love. i guess what i was wrong about was you.
Do you even remember me? i used to be the person you wanted to talk to most and the person you got sad over when you hadn’t heard from me. the person you wished to be with day and night. i used to be your first thought in the morning and your last one before your eyes shut for the night. the girl that filled your dreams, and fantasies, and your fools paradise. i used to be the girl that you wanted to make smile and do everything in your power to make sure i would never cry. i used to be the most beautiful girl in the world to you. yeah, i used to be that girl.. do you even remember me?
seven years, full of promise, hope, love turned into seven years, filled with lies, deception, bullshit.
